Michelle Obama wants to tackle fat kids. No, I’m sorry, Michelle Obama wants to tackle the fat kid epidemic that has over the years caused most Americans to blow up to the size of a Smart car, but without the awesome gas mileage.
The Onion brought awareness to this issue with their report from 6/13/01:
“Surgeon General: Americans Have Gigantic Fat Asses”
WASHINGTON, DC–According to a report released Monday by the Surgeon General’s office, 67 percent of U.S. citizens have gigantic fat asses, with that number projected to climb significantly in the next decade.
…Americans are alternately described as “porkers,” “wide loads,” and “friggin’ whales,” attributes the fat asses primarily to poor eating habits, with diets heavy on sugar, starches, and saturated fats. It also cites Americans’ lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyles as factors in the trend toward “huge bucket-butts.”
In addition, the report found that roughly 185 million Americans are “flab-ass flabbos who couldn’t say no to a candy bar if their fat, stupid lives depended on it.” It went on to warn that those with “gargantuan, sun-blocking rear ends” stand at greater risk of conditions ranging from heart disease to hideousness.
…”The time has come for Americans to face the truth about our collective fat ass,” Satcher said. “For too long, we have sat on our massive rump, mindlessly consuming 90 percent of the world’s resources and growing steadily bigger by the decade. It’s time to get off that fat ass and face the harsh reality of our enormous, distended, disgusting hind ends.” – Full Read
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Nice, well written. Getting good